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Noah in the 21st Century
And we thought we had problems! If Noah had
lived in the United States in the last ten years,
the story may have gone something like this:
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one
year, I am going to make it rain and cover the
whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and
two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore,
I am commanding you to build an Ark." In fear and
trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build
the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must
complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in
one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered
the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a
tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his
front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where
is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah.
"I did my best, but there were big problems."
"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and
your plans did not meet the building codes. I had
to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or
not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved
flotation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming
I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in
my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission."
"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark
because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However,
the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had
to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations
Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now,
I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls."
"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal
rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two
of each kind aboard. This suit is pending. Meanwhile, the
EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had
no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the
proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe."
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am
practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard. The
IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark
in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just
got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user
tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'
And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God
is flooding the earth, it's a religious event and therefore
unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another
five or six years."
Noah waited.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas
began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked
up hopefully, "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth,
Lord?"
"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."
- Author Unknown -
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